I Watch the Sleepy Hollow Pilot With Jason
REVOLUTIONARY WAR FLASHBACKS
Me: This is giving me PTSD flashbacks to the time my British mother came to my 5th grade history class when we were studying the Revolutionary War and told my teacher that he was being unfair to the British.
Scary red-coat in a mask!
Scary bald red-coat in a mask!
Image from ihorror
YOU GUYS ITS BAIN
I do a really amazing Bain impression. You put your hands over your mouth and you do a garbled impression of Patrick Stewart doing Shakespeare. Seriously. Try it. Put your hands over your mouth and say, in a slightly garbled way, “The reason you’re hearing my rich, sexy voice is that I have a new production of Hamlet on Broadway.”
Oh main guy just chopped off Bain’s head!
Jason: The end. The show is over.
Someone’s rising from the dead…?
Revolutionary war soldier (presumably Ichabod Crane) is busting out of a cave. Now he’s in a forest.
Jason: It’s almost like he’s in Supernatural’s purgatory.
Me: Meaning it looks like he’s in a forest.
OH NOES! A CAR! Ichabod Crane is in MODERN TIMES!
Rolling Stone’s “Sympathy for the Devil” plays. They also used this on The Blacklist recently; apparently, there are only a handful of songs shows can use? Still, it’s a great song.
Jason (looking at credits): Orlando Jones is in this?
Laura: Who’s that?
Jason: Have you seen Evolution? He was the black one.
Jason: He also made 7Up Yours.
Old Cop and Foxy Young Cop in a diner.
Foxy Cop is “retiring,” (transferring out of Sleepy Hollow) which I assume means that tonight her old partner is going to die, sucking her back into “the life”
Cops encounter headless horseman! With glow-y axe!
Yup, her partner (Old Cop) just died. Did I call that or did I call that? <shows computer to Jason to prove it>
JOHN CHO! JOHN CHO!!!!! He was the thing that made me want to watch the show.
Jason is all excited about John Cho from something called “Star War/Trek” or something, but for me it’s all about Harold and Kumar, as well as awesome things like 30 Rock and Go On (which never should have been canceled). Image from here.
Ichabod gets arrested by John Cho for uh…”being in the street”, I guess?
Jason: It’s cool, guys. We arrested the guy who was standing in the street. Everybody calm down.
Ichabod is getting a polygraph and saying anachronistic things like “Are you an elected magistrate?”
He was a history professor! He was British, but he defected to be a spy for George Washington. Sorry, British Mom.
Oh! There’s Orlando Jones! It’s strange to see him being all serious and “I am the Boss Cop, don’t break the rules, Rookie Cop.”
No time for 7up jokes! This is serious policing! Image from here
Turns out Ichabod’s wife called Katrina nursed him, so presumably she had a hand in the whole “making him immortal” thing (NOTE: if you see below, you’ll see I was right. I have very few skills but “predicting the plots of TV shows” is one of them).
No one on the show seems aware of “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.” I mean, no one’s responding to the name “Ichabod Crane” or talking about headless horseman legends. I guess it’s like Grimm, where no one’s actually heard of the Grimm fairy tales? It feels odd.
Ha! Someone actually says “The question isn’t where, but when?”
Orlando Jones is still being all Seriousz Business and it’s weird.
Oh, Ichabod and Foxy Cop have an encounter and he’s being all “a woman?? a black woman??” Oh, but he was an abolitionist, conveniently. Even so, he’d still be mad racist, and their encounter would probably be more like this episode of “Ask a Slave.”
Okay, Ichabod/Foxy Cop’s banter is rather adorbable.
Ichabod finds out about Starbucks! Welcome to heaven, sir.
Creepy priest that looks like Clint Eastwood! Oooh, flashback, he’s a timetraveler, too!
You know what this needs? MORE JOHN CHO.
Magic bible with a book of revelations referencing death. DEATH!
You guys, Death as in the “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” Death. The headless horseman = Death.
Jason: Not as awesome as Death on Supernatural.
Everyone take a moment to appreciate the glory of Death the Horseman.
Did you go watch it? Seriously. Go watch it. NOW. I’ll wait.
GEORGE WASHINGTON FLASHBACK.
G-Wash-dubs told Ichabod to kill Bain/Death.
Oooh, headless Death goes after the Creepy Priest but Priest’s got MAGIC.
“I’ll never tell you where it is! I am prepared to die!” We get a beheading from the POV of the person being beheaded, which is kind of cool.
Meanwhile, Ichabod is stuck in a car, foiled by childproof lock. I feel you, buddy.
A raven appears and is like: nevermore.
Orlando Jones is mad.
John Cho is still being serious, too, and it makes me feel weird. All these comedians being serious. I know, I know, I shouldn’t pigeonhole. It just feels weird.
Jason: Props for a very ethnically diverse police dept, Sleepy Hollow.
Bird leads Ichabod to dead wife. Sad! She was burnt for witchcraft.
Oh, Foxy Cop has a Secret. Shocking!
Foxy Cop takes Ichabod to a psych ward and tells him her secret.
She and hers sister were walking in Purgatory after school, and saw a bunch of white trees. Then a shadowy figure appeared and they blacked out. Her sister has been in and out of asylums ever since.
You guys? She’s a really good actress. I luf her.
She’s from the Jensen Ackles school of “smiling though your eyes are filled with sparkling unshed tears” acting that makes me want to clutch her to my bosom.
At this moment, I filled with love for Foxy Cop (whom I will now call by her name: Abbie).
Me: I love her! I love this show! I want there to be a Supernatural cross-over! She and Dean could make sad faces at each other!
But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. Even though the worlds are incompatible?
Jason: Um, two Deaths? Two sets of horsemen of the apocalypse?
Me: Please, like consistency even matters on Supernatural anymore. They had Sam WALK INTO HELL AND IT LOOKED LIKE A HAUNTED HOUSE. THEY CAN DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME.
Jason: Fair enough.
Abbie sneaks into the Sheriff’s office and finds a secret key and a hidden file. Turns out her Dead Partner was keeping tabs on all the supernatural juju going on around town, including the stuff with her and her sister. Conveniently, he recorded all his thoughts on a tape recorder, so we get a nice, succinct summary
In sum: Huge number of witches, two covens, one evil and one good.
Ichabod wakes up in a mental institution with a crow. We’ve all been there, right?
He dreams of his wife. Turns out Not-So-Dead-But-Trapped-In-Some-Dimension-Wife and the Creepy Priest were in cahoots. They were part of an ancient coven of witches.
Ichabod and the horseman were linked when he beheaded him. Horsemans’ body was entombed. When horseman was awakened, so was Ichabod.
Me: UM, if Death was entombed, why and how are people dying? How did people die for hundreds of years if Death was out of commission? BUT AQUAMAN, YOU CANNOT MARRY A WOMAN WITHOUT GILLS!
The upshot: If the Death’s horseman gets his skull, which is buried in Ichabod wife’s fake “grave,” three more horseman will come and then the apocalypse will follow. This is all giving me all the Supernatural season 5 FEELINGS.
Abbie girl stole a map that I think belongs to George Washington? She and Ichabod go to find skull/stop horseman.
Jason: Washington was a man of letters!
Me: That’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said.
Ack! John Cho controls the horseman! IS HE A BAD GUY!
Jason: He seemed too big of an actor to be random cop #3.
ACTUALLY, Jason said “random Asian cop #3″ because he’s racist.
Me: JOHN CHO CAN’T BE EVIL I LUF HIM!!
Gravedigging! Another Supernatural thing.
<I roll around on the floor in glee>
Headless horseman is kind of a bad ass, I have to say. He’s also easily ditched his Magic Axe for contemporary weapons.
Headless horseman wants his pickled Death’s Head!
John Cho whacks Abbie! He is evil.
She bites his thumb like a bad ass.
Several cops come and try to fight off Headless Horseman. The sun comes up and horseman runs away. He doesn’t like light. Victory for now!
Our heroes smile at each other.
Evil John Cho is confessing, and other cops saw the Headless Horseman, so Abbie is not fired for working with Crazy Ichabod. Orlando Jones calls Ichabod “Captain America” which is funny.
Abbie’s not leaving Sleepy Hollow, surrrpriiisse.
Then John Cho dies in jail! Boo
Jason: But he was the villain!
Me: But he was John Cho!
Rolling Stones play as the show ends.
Me: Eeeeeeeeeee! <rolls around on the floor in delight>
Jason: It was okay. I thought it’d be funnier.
Me: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I want to watch all the episodes!
Jason: But not now, right?
Me: No…<wants to watch all the episodes right now>
Jason: I did enjoy pointing out the Supernatural similarities. The whole thing feels like it started life as a Supernatural spec script.
Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! <continues to roll around on the floor in delight>