New Girl: Now with 100% more cats, and an ample helping of Cescmidtabeth!

No previously on here, folks.  New Girl’s “Nerd” drops us right back into the little love triangle that wouldn’t quit, or Ceschmidtabeth (See -shmit -uh -beth), as I like to call them.  Nick tries to make Jess “cool” so she can hang with the hip teachers at school, and Winston loses one love and gains another.

My Score: B-  (A few laughs, but not as solid as the premiere.  Some episode always has to come second in the season, right?)

We open on Schmidt and Cece sitting in a tree, or rather having a riveting discussion on how he wants to call her shawty from now on, naturally.  He invites her to a work party this evening where surely nothing can go wrong.  Right off the bat, I have to say that is one familiar-looking Kimono…compare for thyselves.  Here’s Cece in “Nerd:”

Also...Winston with a giant ball of yarn

Courtesy of

And now Schmidt in Season 1 Episode 5, “Cece Crashes:”

Courtesy of here

Love it.  The couple that kimonos together, stays together.  At least until that party tonight.  Enter Winston carrying a very large ball of yarn and a dog leash.  He has said he would watch Daisy’s cat and needs advice, and BAM! It’s flashback timefriends.

I’ll tell you a secret.  I love New Girl flashbacks.  I want them all the time.  Maybe its my inner yearning for Scrubs.  I want them randomly, and for no real purpose.  I always want our heroes to have on weird clothes and awkward haircuts, and we’re lucky enough to get three in this episode.

Winston’s cat questions lead Schmidt to flash us back to him sleeping topless in a barn, adorned in a cowboy hat. Kittens furiously lick his nipples, though we are assured (repeatedly) that “nothing came out.”  Wasn’t super curious, but good to know.

Meanwhile in the Loft bathroom (highlighted to catch the eye of casual scanners) Jess has a low self-confidence moment, adjusting her bangs in the mirror.  Nick assures her that she looks fine, but we discover her insecurity stems from not being accepted by the clique of cool teachers at school.  I shall dub them “Angela and the Bump Crew” based on the cut to: Jess in hallway – cool teachers pass to sounds of Mystikal’s Bounce Back, completely ignoring her.  Sad face.

Nick is, like a good boyfriend, as supportive as a James Taylor song.  (Totally got that one!  Video for the reference missers.)

Enter Winston still carrying a large ball of twine.  I’ll be keeping track of his props, no worries.

Credits Roll

Elevator scene!  Schmidt and Nick have half a moment, forgetting to press the button to move the elevator.  Then, Winston enters and has half a moment (on his way to pick up Daisy’s cat), also forgetting to press the button to move the elevator, but delivering one of the funniest lines of the night:

“My heart is a two man bike, and I want you…in the rear.”

I’ve watched enough NCIS to keep an eye out for elevator scenes, an often used “we didn’t really have another location for this scene” or “we didn’t want other characters to accidentally overhear” setting.  Not pushing the button is a nice little lantern here, but you can’t hide an elevator scene from me, New Girl.

Meanwhile at school, Angela and the Bump Crew make fun of the principal, then Jess (though I do agree that Ms. Deschanel has lovely “owl eyes.”) Nick comes into the teacher’s lounge to save the day with free school supplies and booze!  Yay!  Honestly, I know quite a few teachers…and that is a winning combination for most.  Jess is on her way to cool-town.

Schmidt, now with his other lady love (go team Elizabeth!) shows off the “Perfect two-thirds replica of Don Draper’s office from Mad Men” complete with tiny credenza. (Comparative photo searches yielded, sadly, not too much similarity between the two.)  Bethany, Schmidt’s fierce co-worker, uses this as a great opportunity to mention the party to Elizabeth.  We’ve got some more farce in the future, guys!  But first, more Winston.

Poor Winston.  I had almost forgotten all about this Daisy character altogether. Winston arrives at her apartment, ready to profess his love and ask her to go steady (or the modern equivalent), but the scent of other-dude is in the air: a running shower, really large basketball shoes, a stopping shower…a flushing toilet.  She lies, hands him the cat, and shoves her new “boyfriend” out the door.

Back at the bar: the cool teachers are getting druuuunk.  Woo.  Jess, though, is still not quite cool enough to fit into the group.  Or as Nick suggests, not quite drunk enough to break out of who she has always been: The Nerd.  How nerdy? I’ll tell you:

It’s double flashback time!  Yay!  Jess in High School was cool.  How cool?  As cool as a madrigal singer at the Renaissance Festival eating a steak on a stake:

Bam, flashback two!

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And how cool was Nick?  Cooler than a Deadhead eating a burrito while hackey-sacking at sunset:

Worst hackey sack sound effects and CG ever, right? Seriously.

Image via

So drink more, Jess does.  Enough to sing “What’s Up” by the 4 Non Blondes while stomping in a toilet, smashing the grapes of her nerdity into a delicious, delicious wine of coolness.  I guess.  Enough to get super hung over.  The boys have to wake her up by singing enthusiastically.  Maybe “drink more” was not the best advice, Nick.  Schmidt agrees and gives us his confusing (and funny!) metaphor of the day:

“What are you a 14-year old hockey player?  You’re supposed to protect her, not encourage her!”

Anyway, the singing works and now Nick (who gets to help everybody in this episode, it seems), gets to help Winston deal with Daisy, who is clearly cheating on him.  Logically, Nick suggests he dump here asap, and give back the cat.  Ferguson is adorable, guys, btw.  That’s Daisy’s cat.  Clearly, though, he has to die.  Nobody cheats on Winston, then makes him cat-sit, and get’s away with it.

Anywho, back to school! Jess is hungover.  You can tell by the sunglasses, sensitivity to loud noises, and because everyone keeps calling her “Toilet pants.” Hmm.  The cool teachers give her access to the cool mug closet, and Jess is one step closer to being fully accepted into their ranks.

Schmidt goes to see Cece at her photo shoot (full of live bees and and real honey, and a beautiful beehive wig) and asks her not to come to the company party, giving an excuse that no sig oths are allowed.   

Back in the loft, Winston is plotting the death of Ferguson, letting him (the cat) choose his own death of choice by laying out an armory of weapons on the table.  Here’s Winston’s prop-list of the day!

  • Giant ball of yarn
  • Dog leash
  • Tiny cat-sized noose
  • Throwing stars
  • Baseball batt
  • Hammer
  • Crowbar
  • Hatchet
  • Shovel
  • Mousetrap
  • White sheets
  • Meat clever
  • Pillow

Nick juggles two crazies in this scene, neither successfully.  Jess, still trying to fit in, is planning to sneak into her principal’s jacuz with the cool kids, and he tries to convince her not to.  But she is bent on breaking her nerd image with some late night shennanigans.  Winston is bent on cat murder.

Alright, here’s the party.  Ceschmidtabeth.  It’s silly, but fun.  He convinces Elizabeth that Cece is there because she is catering the party, and that she should pretend to be a stranger and leave early, you know, for sexy reasons.  He convinces Cece that Elizabeth works at his office.  Bethany stands (as we all do!) befuddled by how long Schmidt has really gotten away with all this, but he will live to triangle at least another episode!

Nick follows Jess to Operation Jacuz, where she has accidentally fallen over the fence into creepy Principal’s yard.  The principal, of course, catches them, and brings Jess and Nick into the jacuzzi with him, all sexy-like.  For biting that bullet, she wins kudos with the cool teachers the next day, but they still call her Weirdo in the end for not partaking of their ecstasy + grading papers evening plans.  I say…bullet dodged there.

Back to Nick, the standup really-cares-about-you boyfriend.  And you know what, guys? They work as a couple.  Nick fights hard for Jess in this episode, giving advice, jacuzzing, and generally being supportive.  They’ve made it past Paradise Nick and Jess and into real-life coupledom.  Congrats!  It feels true and comfortable, and adult.  Bonus points for sex in the teachers lounge.

Oh!  And did I mention that Daisy came to pick up the cat and Winston dumped her, but kept the cat?  Yep.  He deserves better, ladies.  (Oh and..throatclear…he deserves better, writers.)  Winston + Ferguson forever!

Overall, an episode of getting-back-into-the-swing-of-things.  Settling into a new school and a new relationship.  Cutting off loose-end-Daisy.  Maintaining Ceschmidtabeth as the current status quo.

I’ll leave you, as the episode did, with this very awkward image of Schmidt being licked by Ferguson:

I bet you nothing came's hoping

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New girl airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on FOX.  You can catch it on Hulu + or the day after new episodes premiere.

Featured image via News To Shows.