Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: F.Z.Z.T.

A Scout Leader telling spooky stories around a campfire gets his comeuppance: something weird and electrical happens and it makes things float—and then the Scout Leader floats. Deadly. That’ll teach him.



Simmons is giving Coulson a physical exam—he’s very fit. Ward gives Fitz a hard time about the new gun he’s making; it’s an ounce too heavy, apparently, and this will mean that the world will end if he tries to use it. Ward glares at Skye and leaves. Fitz takes this opportunity to try to flirt with Skye by imitating Ward, and Skye is hilariously dense about it. Of course, Fitz’s flirting leaves something to be desired, like, say, an interested flirtee.


"I'm Agent Grant Ward and I can shoot the legs off a flea from 500 yards.  As long as it's not windy."

“I’m Agent Grant Ward and I can shoot the legs off a flea from 500 yards. As long as it’s not windy.”


Skye thinks Simmons ought to be the flirtee, and Fitz backs away in horror. And then Simmons imitates Ward, proving that, of course, she and Fitz are perhaps on the less siblingy side of friends. And then she tricks Ward into thinking Fitz lost the ounce already, proving that she is actually awesome.


"I'm Agent Grant Ward and I can remove your spleen with my pinkie.  Blindfolded."

“I’m Agent Grant Ward and I can rupture your spleen with my pinkie. Blindfolded.”


The team goes to investigate the “electrostatic anomaly,” and Simmons breaks the flow of electricity and the body finally falls. Skye is feeling claustrophobic with her bracelet, Ward is being hard on her (but nobody else is, oddly. Dave: She betrayed them! She is a traitor! They should be meaner to her! Who cares that she can spout Big Lebowski references—who can’t??), and Melinda May interrogates the Scouts with cookies.



FitzSimmons continue to be cute—a feat that they have never pulled off until just now. They argue back and forth about how Simmons dissects things and leaves body parts and stinky smells in Fitz’s pristine lab. (Skye: What are you looking for? Fitz: A scented candle! Skye: Not you.) In between their cuteness, they determine that there is another huge electrostatic energy coming from a nearby farm…and the team finds another floating body. Everybody is assuming it’s a monster—we’re prepped to think monster because of the scary stories at the beginning, and there’s been yelling and panic and all. So when it turns out that the connection between these guys is that they were both volunteer firefighters on the ground at the Battle of Manhattan, I’m all, “it’s a Chitauri! A rogue Chitauri! They had those electric-y weapons!”

But it turns out that the Chitauri really are all gone, but they can still kill us with just their leftover equipment! The firefighters kept a souvenir helmet and got bored (no fires that day) and so were polishing it, and thereby contracted an electrical alien virus. The third guy who helped with the helmet is at the firehouse, but they are way too late to save him. Coulson sits with him, to help him through it. He says, “I died. I know I wasn’t here anymore—I was there….it’s beautiful.”

Everyone dies alone.

Everyone dies alone.


This scene sounds kind of lame written out, but it wasn’t at all. The team heard the whole conversation, and Coulson is being as honest as he can, even knowing about his audience. The firefighter is very frightened, and he’s given just enough to survive his last moments without being too horribly afraid. It’s all Coulson can do, and it’s not enough for him, but it’s enough for the firefighter. It does beg the question, though–why has Joss Whedon, an avowed atheist, gone out of his way on more than one show to confirm the existence of heaven? Okay, granted, this is not Joss Whedon, and it may be too large an assumption to think that all Whedons feel the same way about God, but it is curious.


Head tilt?


Anyway, moving on. S.H.I.E.L.D. takes the infected helmet to “the sandbox,” a research facility for weird stuff. Skye calls shenanigans, but the team is all “it’s cool.” Shenanigans, yo.



Simmons is blown away by some nifty science-y stuff—the static electricity caused by cleaning the helmet awakened the dormant virus. But oh noes! She touched the first floating body, and now things are floating around Simmons, and she is infected, and Coulson has to seal her in the lab! Fitz sits outside the lab, keeping her company. Simmons is very scared, especially since, if she pops, she will take down the plane.

(Dave thinks Fitz is Fringe’s Walter, the junior version. I disagree, but oh, I wouldn’t mind if it were true!)



Ward and Skye bond over their feelings of helplessness. Ward wants to protect them all, to punish wrongdoers, and instead he’s stuck waiting for his next task. The subtext is that Ward knows he may have to throw Simmons out of the plane, though I don’t think Skye picked up on that.

Shenanigans continue…and the Evil S.H.I.E.L.D. that I’ve been expecting rears its ugly head—in the form of Titus Welliver. He really wants the Chitauri helmet, and he wants it badly enough that he orders Coulson to toss Simmons so that she doesn’t explode the plane and drop the helmet into the ocean. Coulson, no surprise, ignores the order.


Evil S.H.I.E.L.D.!

Evil S.H.I.E.L.D.!


Simmons keeps frying her lab rats, and it’s torturous. (All the episodes I’ve watched this week have been stabby stab stab! Sleepy Hollow was sniffly, and Homeland had literal stabbing! Jeez, people!) Fitz yells at Simmons because he’s scared and will be entirely lost without her… “You have to fix this.” But then he goes into the lab and risks infection and they make an antiserum from Chitauri DNA, because clearly the Chitauri had the virus and was well enough to go fight a war. But then…the rat still pops. Simmons tells Coulson to tell her parents she loves them, and asks for a moment alone with Fitz. Fitz won’t stop working—and Simmons bonks him in the head!

She’s going to toss herself off the plane because she knows they won’t do it. But the rat is okay! He was just knocked out by the injection! And—ack! Fitz wakes up just in time to see Simmons get sucked out the cargo bay!  And it’s horrible!



Gah! (What’s with me this week?  I don’t even like Simmons, and Dave is all, this Simmons girl is actually really cute…I don’t know why I never noticed before…stupid manipulative show, making me like her now that they have her onscreen!)  Fitz grabs the injector and goes to put on a parachute to go get her, but of course it has to be Ward. He goes shooting after her like superman and injects her in midair.

I am Superman.

I am Superman.

Simmons is so grateful she ‘fesses up about lying about the ounce in the gun—and it turns out Ward knew all along! And then he even impersonates himself! And Skye runs up and hugs her, and yep, I’m a sucker, because I thought it was sweet.

"I'm Agent Grant Ward and I just jumped out of an airplane with no parachute to save you."  "Actually,  it's a bit more nasally."

“I’m Agent Grant Ward and I just jumped out of an airplane with no parachute to save you.” “Actually, it’s a bit more nasally.”

Coulson tells Melinda May he got tested because he feels weird. Different. Melinda May says, well, buddy, you died. She refers to something that happened to her (did she die???) and says, it changes you.  Coulson seems to find this not that reassuring.



Fitz is sitting with Simmons and hugging a pillow because he wishes he had saved her. Simmons tells him that he did. Sniff. Such a sucker.



Evil S.H.I.E.L.D. Titus Welliver scolds Coulson for not listening. Coulson says, “get used to it,” Welliver says, that’s not the Coulson I know. (So apparently Coulson used to be a pushover? I guess he did let Tony Stark ignore him for an entire movie.) And then he touches Lola, just to piss Coulson off. Evil S.H.I.E.L.D.

Empowered Count: 0.  (Except I’m rooting for the Chitauri DNA to give Simmons superpowers, so here’s hoping!)

Pithy Line: 

Fitz: “You left his liver next to my lunch!”

Episode Grade: A-


The minus mostly comes because I thought Ward looked so very, very stupid flying through the air like that.

This episode was more emotional, with the emotions coming from genuine peril, and genuinely deep relationships–so while I complained about being manipulated, it didn’t feel like it at all.  In fact, Fitz hugging the pillow just about killed me.

It was also more of a team effort.  It’s good to see characters besides Skye, making it feel like more of the ensemble show it’s supposed to be, and featuring the two characters we know the least.  I particularly liked how snippy Fitz got with Simmons…it was  unflattering, but it felt very real.  The impersonating Ward thing worked well, as it’s nice to see that Ward not only can laugh at himself, but can deal with others laughing at him too–which, as we all know, is much, much harder.

And yay!  Evil S.H.I.E.L.D.!  Told you so.